Thursday, February 9, 2012

Sharing Secrets, Yes or No?

I was going to post a piece about Chinoiserie today. Instead I am disturbed.

Mimi Alford - Once Upon a Secret - Please discuss....

Many of you have probably seen the interviews with Mimi Alford who has written a book sharing a secret she has kept for fifty years.

It boils down to a young woman having an affair with a powerful famous man, so famous that she didn't publicly talk about it until someone outed her in another book written about the famous man in 2003.

The woman is no whore. Patrician, educated, and elegant with a velvety modulated speaking voice, and a sincerity that is beguiling, she weaves her story like an aging Scheherazade. The man is so famous, as is his family (many of them still very much alive) that we the public devour every book or movie about him and his family.  Most of the principle characters in this story are dead. The extravagant fame and the love for this man and this family makes one linger far too long to listen to Mimi Alford's story.

It's nothing new. We've heard it before, but never from a participant. My discomfort is not at what happened. Many inexperienced women of Mimi Alford's age at the time, have gone through similar scenarios in far less glamorous settings. Women of that generation were not taught self esteem from their standpoint. They were schooled to build their lives around a man, preferably via marriage. But whether in or out of marriage, the message was that the man came first and the woman was the supporting role.

I am a little younger than Mimi Alford, but came up in the same times. Values were changing. Women were trying to find some kind of equality, some kind of balance, some alternatives that would be respected and valued. Sexual freedom was certainly one very important vehicle.

Things have shifted again. With free thinking comes responsibilities and consequences that are both good and difficult. Right now society is pushing back to a repression. We are certainly more open and exposed to a wider variety of human experience, for the better or the worse of it. We are more free to express ourselves. We are like children who want it all ways - freedom, but when it gets messy, we revert.

When I was a young writer, I wrote to shock, to shake things up. Erica Jong (of the infamous Zipless Fuck), was an idol and a teacher and a role model. I had experiences in my younger years, that today I am not necessarily ashamed of, but there are some that I would not want to write about for publication, or shout from the rooftops. I left writing to shock behind with some of those experiences, grateful that I moved to the present intact and happy.

I do write about my past in this very blog, sometimes entertaining you, sometimes boring you to tears like an old lady endlessly turning the pages of her scrapbooks and albums of faded photos. Don't judge too harshly young ones, it will happen to you too. Writing about brief encounters with celebrity, no matter how ordinary the life of the author, pique the interest of the reader.

I guess what's bothering me is the writing of this book. I understand Mimi Alford's need to heal and put this behind her after hiding it for fifty years. But I don't understand the why of the book. I know she did it for herself, and that she protected her family and the man's family for fifty years. Maybe she could have written it as fiction, or worked it out in therapy and family counseling, or kept an unpublished manuscript in a box to be opened upon her death.

Then there is the matter of the train wreck fascination and side show media coverage of all things celebrity to deal with. Does Mimi Alford actually like going on TV to talk about this to promote her book? Is this her entitled Karmic payback, and perhaps paycheck in the form of a best seller attached to the inevitable Lifetime movie deal, the fair recompense for the secret she kept? She says she was young and adventurous, and a had mainly a good time during her eighteen months of fucking with fame. She suffered the pain all young girls have at the hands of powerful men who use them. I don't buy the blanket statement often tossed about when the tawdry hits the television of telling the story to save others.

I don't begrudge Mimi Alford from saving herself, but somehow I wish she had done it without telling all of us about it. She wanted to set the record straight because another author added her as a footnote to his version of history, but really the outing she talks about is two or three sentences that states that the man had an affair with an intern. What record is there to set straight?

What is amazing is how in fifty years the press and media has changed, and how protected celebrities were in the old days. Which world do you think is better? I prefer not knowing about the most intimate private details of the lives of the famous. What do you think about this? I promise to get back to the pretty world Chinoiserie tomorrow.

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22 comments:

  1. I have had some of the same feelings about this revelation from Mrs. Alford. I am from the same generation, and I confess that I don't feel the need to confess to the world all the errors of my youth (some are pretty spicy--I can never run for president). I also wish that men would realize that their affairs will never be forgotten or remain secret. Think of your children and grandchildren. This is not a pretty story.

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  2. My first reaction was "who cares?" that men in power have affairs is not new. What good can come from this? I still think that if both Jack and Bobby Kennedy (and MLKing too) had not been asassinated we would have a much better country. And a more tolerant one too.

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  3. Personally, there are some secrets I'm going to take to the grave with me.

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  4. I was 8 when JFK was shot, and was there when he was brought into the gates of Arlington cemetery by caisson. To my dying day, I will vividly remember the silence of the crowd, the thick, heavy sadness, save the horses hooves clopping on the pavement. At that time, it was unthinkable to reveal secrets such as affairs, etc., publicly, and we were better off not knowing, since most of it is truly bizarre behavior. At this point, it's a yawn when someone does "spill all", and subsequently, we're so anesthetized to the "shock and awe."

    Why she wrote it...perhaps it was cathartic, or needed the money, or to set the record straight, figuring it was her time to shine? I'm fascinated with historical facts, not sure if this is considered appropriate reading, and ponder how JFK's version of their affair would vary from hers. And, we'll never know.

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  5. I think her actions are tacky and not to be done. Especially when the man has a living daughter. And I'm 48.

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  6. When you’re right, you’re right. I agree with you on virtually every point, including the sometimes exciting, but perhaps ‘no longer for prime time’ discussions of our former lives. I wondered why she chose to bring it forward more than it already had, due to the outing by the previous author. For fifty years she kept this secret – why now the full disclosure? Frankly, it feels like a money grab. Not a judgment, because I haven’t and can’t walk a mile in her Manolo’s, just my perception. Like you, I prefer to keep the details of celeb private life private. There are things that we have learned over the years that frankly, I did not want to know. Are our lives so boring and unfulfilled that we need to know all the nitty-gritty details of another’s life?

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  7. V,
    this was a beautifully written post!

    xx love you always

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  8. I must say that I agree with everything that everyone has said, especially Robin and Renee. Valorie, I was equally disturbed and said as much to my husband. I keep my own secrets and am perfectly content for the rest of the world to keep theirs. Things we might have done while learning to make our way in this world are better left in the past. Thank you for this great piece of writing. Since I LOVE Chinoiserie, I can't WAIT until tomorrow!!! LOL!

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  9. Quite frankly, I am tired of hearing about all the politicians that can't keep it in their pants and are actually being paid for their indiscretions, the women that have no respect for another woman's marriage and their need to free themselves for money and their moment of fame. One of the biggest problems in America today is the total lack of respect and consideration for others.

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    1. You are exactly right. Somethings are better left untold. I wish that Bill Clinton's indiscretions had not been publicized. The media has gone too far.

      Sincerely,
      Debra F. from NC

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  10. I watched a portion of the interview with Meredith Viera and all I could keep thinking was - I'd have so much more respect for this woman if she remained discreetly silent and didn't feel the need for a tell all book about a flawed man that many still hold in high esteem. As a native Bostonian, I can say that my family has always turned a gimlet eye towards the Kennedys, especially after Chappaquidick, and the many revelations thereafter. How dark must the tarnish be now? I agree with you Valorie - what end does this book serve? It only makes me squirm! Thanks for bringing up this topic for discussion.

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  11. No matter how long it takes for a person to cash in after providing sexual services to a John, any John, the services fall under the category of prostitution, and the provider is a prostitute.
    Getting laid in itself is no a flaw.

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  12. I think it says a lot about her that she thinks we care. How many "shock" books does it take for people to realize guess what we have lives too? We have bigger problems like the fact half the children in school don't even have a clue who JFK is. Now that's a sad shock for you.

    Karhy

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  13. My exact response to this when I first heard about it...."Why now?"

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  14. I could have lived my life not knowing Mimi's story. It's too bad she did not think highly enough or value herself as a woman. Sad.

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  15. I agree with everyone there are just some things you should keep to yourself!!!!! I would think she would have regretted the affair at this stage of her life.Especially at having the first experience in Jackie's bedroom!!!!! It is a shame .

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  16. It made me sick to listen to her story. Not because she had the affair, but because she felt the need to prosper from it. Telling us it the first encounter was in Jackie's private bedroom is just so sad. Thanks for saying what the rest of us are thinking. This information should have stayed between the sheets.

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  18. I agree that the timing is certainly suspect, but isn't it also time we take the glitter off these hypocrites who occupy the political scene. No family has benefited more from an adoring and consenting press than the Kennedys including when Ted left a woman to die in a pond off Chappaquidick while his adoring and slavish wife kept watch by his side. Let's get to the truth and all its ugliness and stop pretending what great people the Kennedys were. The only person I feel sorry for is the guy she married while having this affair. That poor sucker didn't have a clue what he was getting. Yea right, everyone wants their fiance giving BJs to the White House Chief of Staff.

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  19. I thought I was the only one who felt this way about this story. I find her "grace and decorum" in delivering this unsolicited information disturbing. The story itself is not that shocking. Anne Curry nailed it when she asked her just what I had been thinking... while she is finding this cathartic and a great relief for herself, did she even consider the pain and distress and shame that she would cause the remaining living Kennedys? ALL TRUTHS NEED NOT BE SPOKEN.

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  20. Sorry. I disagree. I think she had every right to tell her story. Not telling doesn't mean it didn't happen. I respect her for her decision to write this book and tell the real story about JFK and his clandestine affairs. We're learning more and more that "Camelot" was not what we thought. Sorry to burst your bubble. I think it's a shame that she has been treated so poorly by the media, especially Barbara Walters, who had to tell us about her own affair with a married Congressman in her book, but thought that Ms. Alford should not have told her story. What a hypocrite!

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